I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
