google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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