Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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