is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
