How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
