Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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