He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
