I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
