She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
