I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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