All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
