When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The uberlube is also flammable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
