Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
