I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
