I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
