I cannot find my penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Even my vagina gasped.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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