I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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