is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
