I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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