Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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