Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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