Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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