too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
