Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
