$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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