Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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