Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
