Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
