Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
