My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
