Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can't motorboat a personality
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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