got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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