I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
