NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
