I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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