Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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