I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
