just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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