based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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