Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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