3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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