Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
