its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
