why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
