Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
