I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
