im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
