My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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