He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
