3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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