Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
