it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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