so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Enjoy the penises
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
